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I haven't written much of anything for the last two weeks. I've been emotionally and physically drained from work and really busy with Bill. To top it all off I haven't been going to the gym and I've been trying to get over this cold. I also think vitamin c tabs make me more grumpy. Thankfully I'm slowly getting back to the groove with th gym. I'm not sure if I should switch, but I'm most accustomed the 41st st. NYSC.

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Just ended a really fun night with Bill. Thankfully, because my day at the office was pretty bad. We had unprotected sex before dinner at the Tavern on Jane. He mounted me while I pounded his not so tight hole. He got off and I didn't, but the fact that I kept my hard on was a major accomplishment. Anyway, we had dinner at Tavern in Jane in the West Village and the Prime Rib was good. This no good monkey that got on on 42 street essentially pushedy feet aside. I have bigger fight to battle that some ghetto bitch on the A train. Anyway, the crowd was very West Village, a mixture of gay and straight hip. No bridge and tunnel here. Dinner came to $100 fairly reasonable in this hood. Bill wanted me to stay over but we both snore and I really need to catch up on sleep an the gym, tomorrow am. I'll stay I'll stay over tomorrow night. We're planning to go to his friends anniversary party tomorrow night. You know how I am at parties were I don't know anyone. The last one year ago was a complete disaster. I really had a fun night with Bill. He did mention the L word, but not in that context. I'll keep the expectations low even for now. Who knows what will happen.

I was in some funk yesterday after my meeting with Len and Harry. I thought it just went ok. Harry talked for most of the meetig and let me respond to questions that he didn't have answers for. I don't remember if the last prep meeting me had was like this. I should remain focused on the next steps as apposed to dwelling on stuff like this. It's only an issue if Harry says so and he hasn't yet so I need to just get over it. Use this as an opportunity to get my A game up. Our next meeting won't be until Thursday so I need to be well prepared for that one.

M

I'm on the A train uptown listening to a bunch of blacks kids trying to entertain the commuters with their version of "music". I can't keep a straight face!

Anyway, last nights pounding was really good. It started very late at 10:45pm but it was well worth it. Joe and Ian are absolutely adorable boy. Joe is a farm boy from Minnesota and Ian is Filipino from Australia. So. Joe and I kiss each other with some serious tongue action. I pull Ian over and start sucking face with him while Joe is sucking on my cock nice and deep. Ian starts to finger my hole and I ask him if he wants to fuck my ass nice and good. I start to suck on Ian's uncut cock and he begins to hold my head and starts to face fuck me. I gagged a couple of times but it was great. The next think I know is Ian flips me over and starts rim my hole while Joe sucks on my cock. I try to get Joe's nice thick cock in my mouth, but can't. I just suck and lick it. Ian takes a hit of poppers and I make sure I get a wiff. I'm not sure it I was really horny or what, but the sex felt great. Anyway, Ian put on a condom and my legs are up in the air. He gets that nice sized cock in my hole and starts pounding me while I suck on Joe's cock. I kept slapping and tugging on Ian's ass telling to fuck my hole hard and good. I wanted him to het that cock in me deeper. I flip over, get on my stomach and Ian mounts me and pounds me more while I suck on Joes cock, lick his balls and rim his pink hole. Yum. Ian kept fucking my hole and it felt great. Joe tells me he wants to get fucked. I put on a condon and slide my cock into his hole a little too fast. He was in pain but I was not going to pull out. I'm now on top of Joe and wait for Ian to get his cock back in my hole while I fuck his boyfriends. The three of us were in heaven. Ian pounded me good while I fucked Joe hard. Good shit.

Got the best pounding ever. Wow! Ian fucked me while I fucked Joe. We are both sore. Will be slightly late to the office tomorrow morning.

Almost 11pm in E. Harlem. Hopefully I don't get mugged waiting for Joe to buzz me in. Can't wait to get fucked!

Waiting for Joe's call. Really getting hard waiting for this threesome to happen. Will post how it goes.

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Went to go see Paranormal Activity with Bill and the movie was just ok. It was mildly scary and a little silly. We ate burgers at the Dish afterwards. Waiting to hear from Joe on the threesome. Not sure if I want it to happen or not. Bill and I have not had the exclusively dating conversation so it's fair game. If I can do this then Bill can too until we have that conversation. How would he react if he knew I was still having sex with other men and I can't even get it up for him. Not sure and don't know. It may be a non-issue if Joe does not call back. Whatever. Should I initiate that conversation or should I wait for Bill.

It's the Sunday after my 40th birthday and I'm off to see Paranormal Activity with Bill. He seems like a great guy an I may be falling for him. I capture so many thoughts yesterday but this damn application did not save. Let me see if I can get them all down now.

We ate at La Bottega at the Meritime hotel on Friday night. It was decent Italian food. I had black pasta with baby octopus. It was spicey but good. I'm surprised because I don't normally like spicey food. We went back to Bill's apartment and watch Get Smart. He bought me a toothbrush and chocolates. Wow. Either my breath really smells or he'd like me to stay over more often. The the fun and games came next. We tried to have sex. It was so bad that I wouldn't call it sex. He took a Cialis and I popped a Viagra. He got hard and I initally did but couldn't maintain it. He did manage to get his thick cock in my ass and pound me in two positions but it started to get uncomfortable. I should be enjoying a nice thich cock in my ass but I'm not sure what was going on. Maybe I should try poppers. Anyway not only was the sex bad, but I was having a case of gas. When he pulled out, the gas released. I tried to fuck him with a semi flaccid penis but couldn't keep it up. I felt like crap. I hope it didn't frustrate him. I know I would be. We took a shower together and talked and held each other in bed. Boy, are we emotionally scared / fucked up. We both have insecurity issues. Maybe we were really meant for each other. We had Saturday brunch together at Viceroy. That place still sucks. Brunch was just ok. Spent the rest of the day with dad.
I need to be relaxed with Bill. Have no expectations on the outing or the sex. I should just be myslef. Well at least a nicer self.

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I just typed over 1600 characters in my blog and I just lost it. I detailed what happened last night, and I'm pissed. I need to capture my thoughts later.

Tomorrow's my birthday. I am appreciative & thankful for all I have: my health, a loving family, great friends, a fun career & a new boo...

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Bill looks pretty good cleaned up. He'd even look better if he got rid of that awful beard. He showed me picture without the scruff and he looks damn hot! I'm not going to force myself on him. At least not yet. He does seem needy. Don't we all, but extra with him. Not sure if that's good or bad. I'm needy, but not as much as him. His kissing style is unique. It's like a dog running his tongue around your gumline. Whatever. I should be happy that I have a boyfriend. Especially a mature BF with an apartment in the West Village. Our sense of style differs. He's Banana Republic and I'm J.Crew. He's Contemporary and I'm updated traditional. Differences and dissimilar interests are always good. I believe it adds spice to a relationship. He's not overly fem. Thank God. That is not my cup of tea. Now the sex. We haven't had it yet. I'm thinking Friday. Need to clean up for then and stop taking the cold meds so my sex drive will come back. It better be good. But how do I politely ask him to take his Cialis? Just some thoughts from a boy who's happy to have what he has, good health, great family, loyal friends and a new BF. Thank you God. Now let's see where this goes.

That BITCH deserves all she gets for pissing me off LY during my birthday.

That pig bottom Detective worked @ 1PP & use to date the captain of the former precinct, a Hispanic Papi Chulo we bumped into @ West Elm.

LY I dated an NYPD Detective, who was a big old pig bottom, cute though. He pissed me off on my Birthday. TY white collar/LY city worker.

We have a date scheduled for my Birthday on Friday. Low key stuff. Dinner, movie & sex. What else could a boy want for his birthday?!

Hey boys. Had a date w/Bill last night. We ate at a Tapas Bar in the W. Village. Yum! He seems to like me and I'm falling for him.

Shopping for eyeglasses @ Garden State Plaza. Looking for that special pair screams Come Fuck Me! Just what I need right now.

The morons in McDonalds really pissed me off and couldn't get my order right. I had to keep repeating myself.

Not sure what to do if one of my Fuck Buddies calls. Bill & I haven't had the dating exclusively conversations yet. What's a boy to do?

Bill is a great guy. Seeing him Sunday to look for new eyeglasses at this cool shop on Bleeker. Expensive though. Want drama in my eyewear.

Because of my previous dating disasters. I really don't have any expectations when I date. In the past year, I never got beyond 4 months.

Had dinner w/Bill in Chelsea. He kept mentioning the word Boyfriend and Relationship. Should I be worried? Isn't it too early?

I'm planning on taking this really slow and seeing where it goes. Again no expectations. Let's see what happens this week. Food & sex...

Slept over in the W. Village w/the new boy. He is very interested & we're moving forward. He's starting to call me on a daily basis.

Taking it easy today. Need to catch up w/rest & relaxation. No sex. Just sleep & tv. The new boy call me & is headed to the office.

Pandorum was crazy! If you like fast action horror. See it!

@ the Garden State Plaza AMC. Surrogates sucked. Save your money! Waiting for Pandorum to start. Hopefully it's better.

Headed to my third date with Bill an still don't know what to expect. The last date two weeks ago started out well and then ended with a thump. He seems interested but that's what I thought of Terrence. There's still a level of uncertainty just like what I experienced with Andrew at the beginning. I remember when we had that what the fuck moment. I experence that with Bill walking out of the italian restaurant. He's attractive and seems to have a great personality. He's established and has a career. All traits that I'm looking for. I just don't know why to expect. Were going to have dinner in Chelsea and then catch the Coco Chanel movie. Can't wait! He wants me to sleep over. Not sure yet.

Let's see how insistent he is.

Yearly checkup w/my cute gay doctor @ NYH Weill Cornell. I'm going to discuss my cold and how I've been a hookah. His BF is my other doctor.

Peter wasn't into it tonight but Jason pounded w/his 8.5" cock doggy & then me sitting on it. Wow! I need to get some more of that...

3some with the boys tonight in E. Harlem. I'll make sure that I'm extra lubed up so Peter can pound me hard and good!

Bought magnum condoms (not for me) for the 3some tonight @ Duane Reade and the sales girl cut her eyes at me! I smiled back.