Almost 11pm in E. Harlem. Hopefully I don't get mugged waiting for Joe to buzz me in. Can't wait to get fucked!

Waiting for Joe's call. Really getting hard waiting for this threesome to happen. Will post how it goes.

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Went to go see Paranormal Activity with Bill and the movie was just ok. It was mildly scary and a little silly. We ate burgers at the Dish afterwards. Waiting to hear from Joe on the threesome. Not sure if I want it to happen or not. Bill and I have not had the exclusively dating conversation so it's fair game. If I can do this then Bill can too until we have that conversation. How would he react if he knew I was still having sex with other men and I can't even get it up for him. Not sure and don't know. It may be a non-issue if Joe does not call back. Whatever. Should I initiate that conversation or should I wait for Bill.

It's the Sunday after my 40th birthday and I'm off to see Paranormal Activity with Bill. He seems like a great guy an I may be falling for him. I capture so many thoughts yesterday but this damn application did not save. Let me see if I can get them all down now.

We ate at La Bottega at the Meritime hotel on Friday night. It was decent Italian food. I had black pasta with baby octopus. It was spicey but good. I'm surprised because I don't normally like spicey food. We went back to Bill's apartment and watch Get Smart. He bought me a toothbrush and chocolates. Wow. Either my breath really smells or he'd like me to stay over more often. The the fun and games came next. We tried to have sex. It was so bad that I wouldn't call it sex. He took a Cialis and I popped a Viagra. He got hard and I initally did but couldn't maintain it. He did manage to get his thick cock in my ass and pound me in two positions but it started to get uncomfortable. I should be enjoying a nice thich cock in my ass but I'm not sure what was going on. Maybe I should try poppers. Anyway not only was the sex bad, but I was having a case of gas. When he pulled out, the gas released. I tried to fuck him with a semi flaccid penis but couldn't keep it up. I felt like crap. I hope it didn't frustrate him. I know I would be. We took a shower together and talked and held each other in bed. Boy, are we emotionally scared / fucked up. We both have insecurity issues. Maybe we were really meant for each other. We had Saturday brunch together at Viceroy. That place still sucks. Brunch was just ok. Spent the rest of the day with dad.
I need to be relaxed with Bill. Have no expectations on the outing or the sex. I should just be myslef. Well at least a nicer self.